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Category: The Road (page 1 of 4)

Le Corbussier et Papin

Sleep paralysis is commonly accompanied by stories of a dark figure looming at the towards the end of your bed. This time the figure faced the wall, as a gentle trickling sound echoed around the otherwise silent room. At this point I realised I wasn’t paralysed at all, and the figure was none other than Thomas Appleyard arcing a drunken stream of piss into my cycling shoes with alarming accuracy.

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Raccoons are bastards. Absolute bastards.

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The Texas Chainring Massacre

The sides of the road sparkle in Texas, they’re lined with broken glass from beer bottles that have been launched from the driver’s seat. Seems like drink-driving is the state sport, and if you’re caught with an open container you’re disqualified, so out the window it goes. It’s funny how it never seems to be good beer either, it’s always Bud Light. Same goes for Red Bull and Monster, they seem to end up roadside, says it all really.

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Truth or Consequences

New Mexico’s a strange old place, same goes for Arizona. Everything has spikes, the ground’s rough, the weather hurts, whether it’s hot or cold, bright colours just aren’t on the menu. It all sounds really unwelcoming, but there’s something endearing about it, it’s stark contrast from anywhere else I’ve been.

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Cactus Jack

It wasn’t long after crossing the bridge into Arizona, a familiar, yet unwelcome feeling swept over me. Trembling legs, sweaty brow, guts that felt like a voodoo doll. It all meant only one thing; number 49 was arriving at full speed. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the amount of sugar and sweeteners rootbeer had to offer.

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The California Raisin

California has been in drout for six years. They were saving up all their best rain for my arrival.

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Pocari Sweat

There was no soju aboard the ferry to Japan; a blessing in disguise.

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‘You are going to hell.’

Some of the first English words spoken to me in South Korea. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him I just wasn’t that religious, or maybe he should tone down his sales pitch.

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Australia was never really on the list when I set off. I’ve gone off-piste.

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End of Part One

People make an assumption that when you go cycle touring you’ll see lots of lovely wildlife.

I’ve seen all sorts of animals. All dead at the side of the road.

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