Wild camping’s technically illegal in Germany. Strange that. As far as I’m concerned, if you can’t find a nice secluded bit of forest to camp in as a cycle tourer in Germany, you may as well pack up and go home (and that comes from someone who pretty much needs a sign with a big arrow to point out a wild camping spot). It’s littered with huge woodland with massive pine trees, I couldn’t get enough.

I love a good forest

If a tree falls…

It’s also littered with hills, as I found out. Hills in England ain’t worth shit in comparison to the hills in Germany, and this comes from someone who lived in Sheffield over the last few years. After a few kilometres of switchback inclines during 35 degree heat, I was pissing sweat, to put it politely, and it was this point I noticed a phenomenon I like to call ‘The Pied Piper’. This is where every fly in the forest takes notice of the the sweating beast meandering through at five kilometres an hour and wants a piece of the action. Have you ever tried flailing your arms about whilst riding up a 12% incline on a bike that’s heavier than you? It’s not often I’d like to see my mug on video, but that would’ve been good telly.

Going up

The Pied Piper, in full effect.

I managed to spend the first night in a cell of the tour, although I paid for the privilege. I stumped up for Alcatraz in Kaiserslautern after heading into a big city a bit late left me realising there wouldn’t be time to get out and find a camping spot before it’d be too dark; lesson learned. I managed to bag cell 302, one cell away from the sacred 303 synth fans. Other than that, that’s all I can pretty much say about Kaiserslautern. It’s nice, but I’d say it’s on a par with visiting Lincoln for a night; nice, but nothing to write home about.

There was something weird about the next day. After I’d spent a couple of hours cycling towards and through Heidelberg (past the usual forests and lumberjack villages (I also met some other cycle tourers for the first time, who seemed sound, they were off the way I’d come from though)) I hit flat roads. Flat. Roads. At first it was kinda fun watching the sustained speed on my odometer that I could hold, then after a bit, it just got a bit dull.

Heidelberg. Prettier than I expected.

It didn’t last forever though, the hills and forests came back, plus I got to make the most of Germany’s ‘radwegs’, nice cycle routes that took me the entire way to Nürnberg, through nice little villages and roads.

This is where a deer decided to brick-it and make stupid noises for half an hour.

At this point, I needed to make a detour; the trusty Garmin eTrex Vista CX had finally packed in. I decided to head to Media Markt in Amberg to cave in and buy a newer model, it was a wasted journey and something I’ll elaborate on in a later post. It did mean I had to buy a paper map for the next bit, which I soon realised gets me places quicker, but at the expense of being able to ride down a tiny road and still feel I have some idea where I am.

I still love you Garmin eTrex Vista CX, even though you don’t wake up anymore.

Full steam ahead

Go on then, have a lens flare.

The way out