You know when you get that feeling where you think there’s more than meets the eye? Like if you’re at someone’s house and accidentally open the wrong drawer to find ball gags and whips. That’s the feeling I got from Luxembourg. The place is just too damn full of money, smug people and tourists, they’re hiding all the rough stuff, I know it. I bet there’s another hidden city in Luxembourg that’s full of boozers, betting shops, go-go bars and greasy take-aways populated by shit-faced ugly people who hurl abuse at each other and ralph up the side of a bus stop. So, Scunthorpe, but in Luxembourg.
Don’t get me wrong, Luxembourg City was nice and everything, but it felt like I was in Disneyland. I’m pretty sure if I’d checked properly some of those walls would’ve been wooden panels. The majority of the population seemed either to be Absolutely Fabulous style fifty year old women dithering in and out of expensive looking shops, or rich American tourists.
Y’got twenny pee mate?
Accordian Man…
…was soon upstaged
All in all it was nice to look at for a bit, but I headed towards the German border and racked up a country count of three in one day. A big river divided Luxembourg and Germany, and the Germans have done a stellar job of making party on it; big boats with shit music, lots of moustaches and sandals with socks. I pondered over and decided to go for my first campsite experience; the lure of a shower was too great. This was the first time I’d cracked out a bit of German lingo in five years, I was expecting a balls-up, but in the end the bloke thought I was Dutch! Maybe it was the orange bike, eh?
Back in Germany, it only took me five years.
After a while of setting my tent up I asked the bloke where the showers and toilets were, he got me to follow him and unlocked the toilets first – ‘Toiletten’, the showers – ‘Dusche’, it was at this point I’d realised I’d forgotten my packtowel –
‘Ich habe mein … vergessen’, I couldn’t remember the word for towel, so I gestured something with my hands.
‘Aah, papiéren’.
That’s right, Georg thought I was busting for a turd. And before you ask, I didn’t even do a big shit-wiping gesture either.
Joe Doldon says:
Yeah, we thought Luxembourg was a bit of an elitist money centric hub too. Your description is bang on. We did try to enjoy the evening we spent there though, so headed for a bar in the busier area so we could people watch, and people slag, essentially. So much pomp and materialism it made us wretch. So, by the time we’d finished up and mulled over how posh and expensive the bar was, we felt it entirely justified to do a runner than incur the fee of 15euros for 2 beers.
PS: Your website’s dead good an all, but the page kept skipping around when I was trying to read your wise words. Just thought I’d let you know.. Hope all’s well in Greece pet x
August 7, 2015 — 5:12 pm
Sam Pougher says:
Luxembleurgh. Kudos on the dine-and-dash, I doubt they’ll miss the extra cash. I’m spitting rhymes. How did the rest of your tour go? Your pics look niiice, especially Slovenia, gutted I missed that one out.
It was the pesky gallery feature that was making everything shift around. Won’t be using that again.
August 10, 2015 — 3:51 pm